मैं तुम से प्यार करती हूँ: A Bollywood Love Affair

It's official now. I don't know how it happened. I didn't plan it. I probably should have seen the signs, but it's too late now: I'm a Bollywood addict.

I suppose it all started with "Lagaan." Just one crazy night, staying up into the wee hours of the morning, crying, laughing, cheering, yelling... and I was hooked!

What is it about Bollywood movies that makes them so intriguing and - dare I say - addicting? A Brief History of Bollywood is helpful, though all one really needs to know is that Bollywood is a term applied to Indian cinema.

Bollywood Characteristics Appealing to (Some) Americans:

1. *Clean* Romance

Almost every Bollywood film has an element of romance, and most of these include love triangles, arranged marriages, unrequited love, etc. Granted, some of it gets sappy, but because of traditional Indian culture, there is usually no explicit sexual material. Although modern Bollywood may include risqué material, anything before the early 2000's doesn't even include kissing. ***note: Some Americans may object to the different view of modest dress; dance numbers often include bare backs/midriffs.***

2. Melodrama
If you think that Downton Abbey is too dramatic, try watching a Bollywood film! It's FULL of drama: family feuds, forbidden love, political tension, lovers' secrets... the list goes on. Thankfully, many films don't take themselves too seriously, which is half the fun.

3. Family Values
As is the case in many other countries, family is a much higher priority in India than in America, which is evident in the films. Parents and elders are more often than not respected, and young adults and adolescents are expected to value their family members, even extended family.

4. Religious Values

Though it may be a bit shocking to American audiences at first, Indian movies often contain a lot of religious material... and not the satirical take on those pesky Christians that we often see in our own media. Many movies' plots actually focus on religious themes and their complexities. A beautiful example of this is found in "Jodhaa Akbar."

5. Silliness
Exhibit One
Exhibit Two

6. Song and Dance Numbers
This is probably my favorite part of Bollywood films. The dancing, the singing, the randomness.... so good. Ye Ladki Haye Allah is probably my favorite.

7. Criticisms
Some people are critical of Bollywood because it doesn't portray Indian life acurately. While I agree that Indian life is much more likely to look like this:

rather than this:

the point is that it's not meant to be taken accurately most of the time. Since life in India is often hard and impoverished, films are a form of escape from reality. Thus, the entertainment is not the equivalent of a documentary for Americans. If we should expect Indian films to accurately portray the harshness of the average Indian life, shouldn't they expect the same from us? Pretty sure that would mean that this:

and this:

are accurate portrayals of American life. Pretty sure that's not the case most of the time!

8. Last Plug

If you still have no desire to watch Bollywood, at least try this one:

Hollywood's Lie of Love

Hollywood’s main object is to tell a story, to spread a message, to inspire people to greater things. At least, that is what I have believed for the longest time. Now, I am not so sure. Several recent movies claiming to be stories of “love” make me sick to my stomach with their false image of “love”. So often, love is portrayed as something I believe firmly that which it is not.  I no longer recognize Hollywood’s version of love; it does not seem to “line up” with what I have witnessed and experienced in life. And yet, so many people view it as normal, or even right. True love, according to Hollywood, is finding pleasure and happiness. So many young people have no other teacher of love than Hollywood… and what a sorry and deceiving teacher it has revealed itself to be.

Love is not sleeping with as many people as possible. It is not finding the “perfect” or “most complimentary” person. It is not using people for one’s own gain or pleasure. Happiness, true happiness, will never come at the expense of another person. Rather, it will come to one person as the result of another’s sacrifice. Hollywood’s version of love is false, a complete lie. How sad that countless people are deceived into believing that there is no other form of love, that there is no other “option,” so to speak.

I believe love and sacrifice go hand-in-hand. It is impossible for one to truly love without pain. If a person has never experience grief, rejection, or loneliness, he has never truly loved another person. Perhaps, his only experience of love has been for himself. Love is more than emotion, feeling, or romance. Love is more than feeling “happy” or “complete”. Love in many ways is like picking raspberries. One will inevitable be scratched, poked, and cut, but he will not gain the reward of delicious fruit if he is not willing to be hurt. Once he obtains the berries, however, the pain is forgotten. The outward appearance of scratches and scars may be seen, but they are of no concern to the brave berry-picker.

Love is staying married to an unloving spouse, not because you have to but because you realize that it is for the good of the other person.

Love is having another baby, not because people approve but because you realize that life is more than living for yourself.

Love is waiting patiently for another person, meeting him at his level, even if you realize that he may never change.

Love is taking the time to comfort another person because you are willing to experience grief with her, even at your own discomfort.

Love is caring for an elderly relative, even if you have better things to do.

Love is setting your own dreams aside in order than you may help another person fulfill hers.

Love is saving your first kiss for the man willing to lay down his life for you.

Love is not moving in with your fiancé because you desire his entrance into heaven more than you desire him.

Love is letting go of a loved one because you realize how much more she is needed in heaven than on earth.

Love is kindly confronting a friend because you know the value of her soul is greater than she herself realizes.

Love is waking up with a young child at 3 am and holding her while she vomits for the hundredth time.

Love is giving your baby up for adoption, not because it’s the easiest option but because it’s the hardest.

Love is enduring the battle of cancer with a loved one, knowing that you are powerless to help but never giving up anyway.

Love is all of these things and more: selfless, peaceful, and sacrificial. Love is the name of my Best Friend who shows me best how to love, though I have much to learn. He is my true teacher, not Hollywood, because he gave the best example of how to truly love. Frankly, Hollywood’s lessons on love disgust me in their perversion and shallowness.  Hollywood’s love, in a word is cowardice.